I often support my clients with their people pleasing tendencies… Why? Because I used to be one and it almost drained the life out of me!
People pleasers might be the nicest and most helpful people you know. They never say no, you can count on them when you need a favour and they spend a lot of time doing things for other people.
They get things done, whilst helping others, they make all the plans within their friendship groups and they always have a shoulder for you to cry on.
Which all sounds great right? Out of balance, it can be very unhealthy behaviour, as I discovered!
Why people please? There is often a deep rooted fear of rejection or a fear of failure. I used to give myself such a hard time if I made a mistake and would hate to upset anyone! I also consider myself a caring person, but that’s no good if you stop caring for yourself first!
Overtime people pleasers neglect themselves, they start to feel resentment, they stop enjoying occasions because they are too concerned with everyone being happy - especially if you are the organiser! I found that this lead to stress and anxiety.
Lastly, you can feel taken advantage of. I found overtime some friends pushed boundaries, asking for more than what was reasonable. Even people who don’t mean to, they just might not realise the stress you are under because you look like you have it all together. This was especially true for me in my job too, I found myself with by far the largest workload - I never said no, ever.
I taught myself to release my fears of rejection and failure. I started to say no more and set boundaries for myself. In the process some friends left my life (but new aligned souls came in). I realised we are responsible for teaching people how to treat us, we accept or reject their behaviour. You need to set boundaries of what you can and cannot do and what you will and will not accept. Then you need to stick to it. You cannot place the blame on others. The right people in your life will understand.
I found I had to work through feelings of guilt, however everyone deserves to take care of themselves and so you cannot feel guilty if you think of it this way!